Goa Institute of Management offers Certificate Workshop on Integrated Digital Marketing

Workshop Highlights:

– Interact with leading industry experts and academicians in interactive sessions with Live case studies.
– Understand the digital channels landscape and strategise online marketing, branding and PR.
– Obtain a practical toolkit on digital marketing to help you plan, roll out and measure digital campaigns.
– Get exposure to latest and most relevant digital marketing trends that leading corporates adopt today
– Accelerate your career with industry-led, Digital marketing workshop
– Work on a live digital marketing project

Duration: 25-27 April, 2014

Venue: Pune

For more details and enrolment see this.

The multiple marvels of the muffler

The muffler is an extremely clever piece of work. I will go a step further to say it is the cleverest, most versatile things known to man and woman. Admittedly its closest competitor the towel has been given an unfair edge by Douglas Adams eulogies. But a quick research proves that the muffler is a knotch above. Nothing as sophisticated has been knotted around the delicate necks of men and women more since the cobra wrapped around Shivas neck. It can easily transition from one form to another- from a fanda to a jhanda. The variety of colors make it the flag of all flavours. Fly the white muffler when you want a truce and it has the effect of a 1000 pigeons. Immediate peace. And India and Pakistan live happily ever after. In times of war, it becomes a fierce combat weapon. Ideal as a sling shot. Or hand to hand combat. A muffler could help you sail through most valentine days- pun intended. Use the muffler to gag the dog and then as a rope to swing up to your girl’s balcony. Then knot it into a flower to woo her. . In less violent times, a muffler alternately becomes a pillow, a cushion and a handkerchief- helping you hike through the world with a kind of motherly protection. A muffler comes to the rescue in a myriad of tricky situations. Missed the gym? Use the muffler as a skipping rope. Forgot the belt? Tie the muffler around your trousers to keep up your modesty. Have a grudge? Use the muffler to strangle the boss and then innocently gift it to his secretary. The muffler is a talisman against evil. The muffler can be alternately tied around the ears, or the mouth or the eyes so it becomes the true implementor of the See no evil. Hear no evil. Think no evil legacy. Even if it cannot solve all of the nation’s problems, it can at least shield you from them. In its humblest form, the muffler can protect you against the bitter Delhi cold. And stay with you long after you have thrown in the towel. The attachment of the man with the muffler is unmistakably strong.

Dharna Dozen – The 12 point agenda to save the nation

While you sent roses and sang songs, I fought. I sprayed. I drank tea. I flew the muffler. I sat on a dharna For the dozen causes. That can deliver our nation. Here is my 12 point agenda:

Legalize khaps – I seriously think we should legalize them. I mean we promote so many of our encounter cops. So what’s wrong with the khops oops khaps? Plus the shameless boys and girls have no business to run away. The Mumbai traffic would have killed them anyway.

Ban valentine day – such a shameless western concept. I mean they could have renamed it to kamasutra or khajuraho day.? But valentine. Down with it.

Against eating chow mein – we hate chow mein. And more so the people who eat them. And go looking for houses in the capital. Of course they are provocative. I mean did you ever look a those slender, size zero things – meaning the chowmeins of course?

Against the rising rupee- All that hard work for a NRI groom is pointless if he cannot buy you the Taj Mahal with his daily wage. Unless he is Satya Nadella.

Against Satya Nadella – where he gets a 112 cr and my genuine windows still hangs, just when irctc was giving me a ticket. At the 112th try. we should launch a pirate soft as a challenge

Against the irctc haters- you loafers. What would you have done with the remain 23 hours 59 minutes if irctc worked in a jiffy. Irctc is the governments way of keeping crimes in check.

Against the 377 baters- what? You want to love another man. Love your ma, silly boy.  That’s the only love we can safely legitimise. And if you still have some love left, give every battered heir coming out of Arnab Goswamis studio a tight hug.

Free Asaram Bapu – and get him on big boss. With so much love in him, he could finally get Salman Khan to marry and save stray deer and people. While finding his third wife on the show.

Legitimise dharnas – especially the ones on busy metro stations. In colourful mufflers. Think how dreary it would be if we went to school, office and hospitals in time everyday. Keep the surprise. Join the dharna.

Free tea on every tap – with all the charcha, I demand free cha. If we can’t have water, let us drink tea. Apologies to Mary Antoniette.

Ban Elections. Have a fair contest – Who can shoot pepper spray the furthest? Who can break maximum tables in 1 minute? Now those are  fair ways to elect our leaders. After all you should judge people on their best talents.

Declare a world muffler day – muffler is the new towel. ( Read Douglas Adams!). It is versatile, it is multi purpose, it is the invention of a sheerly brilliant mind. Use it as a flag, a gag, a combat weapon or a skipping rope. And it is certified to be safer than the pepper spray.

Desi Boy

The local teen – beyond the flat McDonald world

  The mcdonald munching, levis wearing, ipod jiggling global teen. Who marketers have claimed straddle national boundaries. Maybe they are right. Sit in a cafe in upmarket NYC. Or in South Bombay. The language, the expressions, the lingo have startling similarities. And justify the global teen label. But travel a little outside urban limits. Or the fringes of the large city staying not in the 30th floor, but huddled in small, middle class homes. And the myth of global teen starts to disappear. 

Over the last few years, i have had a chance to work with start-ups, NGOs and institutions working in the education sector on the fringes of large cities or in small towns. I have taught children in 24 parganas, the suburban district of Kolkata. Interacted with girls from municipal schools and women homes. Teaching children gives you tremendous insights into their psyche. And it is very different from the uniform global teen persona. Standard assumptions about dealing with teenagers fall apart. During my MBA, I happened to work with a start up which came up with a radical method of delivering education to less privileged. The founder, an ex-Mckenzie consultant, was convinced that his model of sponsored, online education would bridge the gap between the two Indias. His revenue gen model were ads from the Pepsis and the Legos and the Kellogs of the model who would want to target children. An apparently brilliant model. Children, who otherwise do not get the world class education that their richer counterparts get, can fill in their knowledge gaps by spending a few hours online. While Kellogs or Pepsi would sponsor their education in exchange of viewing a few ads. When I started a ‘market research’ with these children, however a different picture emerged. Yes these kids have heard of Facebook, they use the rare go’s at the Internet cafe to upload fancy photos. No, they do not think they need to bridge their knowledge gaps. Infact they are not aware of any. The iit and IIMs are not regular  buzz words. The most extravagant dreams they see are not of the glitzy New York streets but of Bollywood. And of course the Kellogs and the Legos or the Mattels of the world have no business with them. Because these kids do not sit down to fancy breakfasts and play with Barbies. Their world is different. 

I have since then worked in a tribal village near Hyderabad. With the bright boys and girls of Lambada tribe. Some of the older ones had seen the city. For the others the city is a fabled place. Forget the global village. These kids are miles removed from the concept of the universal kid.

This experience has been repeated again and again. In small towns of Karnataka, in the schools adopted by my friends at Teach for India in Mumbai. No hamburgers with salsa sauce. No Levis. No fancy Anglicized accent. Their dreams are moderate. The girls want to do a post graduate degree. For them education is a passport to a life better than their mothers, who spend most of their time in the kitchen. The boys are undecided. Barring a few, most have not figured out a career path leading to the Googles and the Facebooks of the world. Not to say these boys or girls lack talent. Or ambition. Or dreams or priorities. But the boundaries are different. they are not inhabitants of the seamless global highway the universal teen is supposed to belong to. And in India, the numbers are in majority. Refuting flat globalization theories and uniform global strategies. These boys and girls do not go to air conditioned classrooms or watch Nolan movies on high speed internets. They do not come out with the finesse that corporate India is eager to lap up. They are not automatic markets for the Levis and the Nikes. They wear local brands, speak broken English, have catchy Bollywood numbers on their Chinese made smartphones. The local teens. Who we do not need to steamroll them into the global teen. And worry about bringing them to the mainstream. For in a diverse country these Hindi, Bengali, Kannada, Tamil speaking kids are mainstream. We need to take off our global lenses and look at them. Not as the outliers. Not as the unskilled 99percent. But the majority with different skills. Or different dreams. Which are as mainstream in a not so flat world. Unless we recognise this, the majority would keep falling on the wayside of our global superpower pipe dream. When it comes to building the country’s future talent pool, the only things that can work are not fringe programs but empirical grassroots initiatives. Rooted in the local teens. 

Things Bong Parents Say

1. Thanda lege jabe – To the naked or even the many spectacled eye of the Bong parents, you never have enough layers of woollens on. They will not let you out without the muffler or its twin, the monkey cap even in sweltering Kolkata
2.  Oparaye jas na – If you grew up in a true-blooded Bong household, you were always warned about opara, anything outside 3.14 metres from your house. That is the place infested by dusthu lok. Remember what happened to Mukul
3. Oma! Ki roga hoye gachis – Everytime you returned after an overnight stay at a friend’s place. And then baba is dutifully dispatched to buy half of the world’s food for you. While mom fusses over how you lost appetite in 8 hours of staying away from home
4. Amar chele toh kichui khaye na – Who did George Bush blame again for world hunger? He should have been more precise and blamed the Bong maa. So even if you are having a seven course meal, your mom would insist you are under-fed.
5. Baba, aro duto luchi kha – Even if that means all the luchi on your plate when stacked upwards is taller than Aamir Khan in Dhoom3
6. Dupur belaye ghumiye por – The bongs take the afternoon siesta more seriously than IMF takes the monetary policies. Your parents will insist you follow that sacred family ritual.
7. Sondher age fire asis – I have never understood the Bong’s night phobia- maybe the many layers of glasses we wear make us suspicious of the dark. So your curfew hour will be in broad daylight and significantly earlier than that of your Punjabi friends
8. Kolkataye ki nei – Every time you want to step out of the venerated city. Remember, the world ends at the Hooghly.
9. Osob dilli Bombay jete hobe na – Dilli, Bombay are the twin capitals of the evil empire all good Bong boys and girls have been tutored to avoid
10. Amader culture ar oder culture – Everytime they comment on your upstart, Non-Bengali friends. The accompanying hand gestures suggest the relative positions of the cultures and your Bong dad will stretch his hand as much as he can to show the gap. Bongs are not mean but are infamous for turning their nose up
11. amar chele ja brilliant – Every bong parent thinks that her son or daughter are direct incarnates of Einstein, Da Vinci, Newton all rolled into one. Give or take a few IQ levels. No, give!
12. Baccha chele – That’s how they always refer to you even if you turned 30 many years ago. Of course they will deduct a few years from your age always. Call it selective memory loss.
13. PhDta kore fal – Your parent are like cheerleaders. Only they cheer for you to get another degree. Goals and runs are for the bokhate chele.
14. Amader barite keu bizness-fizness kore na – Business is a dirty word. Remember no capitalism.
15. Bodo hoye daktar na engineer? And all you want to say – Dad! Let me sleep
16. Chele amar sonar tukdo – The gold rush may as well have happened in Kolkata. All boys there are carved out of solid gold – that’s what their drooling mommas and papas would have you believe. Never mind the gold prices!
17. Jattosob – Everytime they have had enough of you. Jottosob is an umbrella term covering their dislike for everything- your friends, your T shirt, your girl friend, your dog. You are supposed to meekly retreat after Jottosob has been said.
18. Doodh na khele hobe na bhalo chele – Yes, chandrobindu copied it from your parents not the other way round. They have a long list of what good boys do. And you will be brought up exactly to that ‘bhalo chele’ manifesto. Including the doodh.
19. Ma, babar mukh rakhis – The really emotional moment. And you want to tell them you have been selected in the B team of your school. Not the Olympics squad. But of course they and all your mashis and mamas called to celebrate your selection, will just stop short of giving you a gun salute.
20. Punjabi ba Madrasio cholbe – Says the liberal Bong parent when they drop the hints about biye. The Bengali parents are fine with ‘Labh’ marriage. And loudly proclaim ‘Caste no bar’.
21. Amar cheler amake chara cholena – So says the Bong Ma. To the flabbergasted daughter-in-law. Followed by a mark the territory dance. All in slow, cultured steps.

Do not tell me who can I love

  The societys definition of good, bad, moral, immoral often confuses me. That long list of what the neighbour approves of. So no drinking, no late nights, no boy friends. And now of course no girl friends. Strangely enough the prerogative has shifted from the confines of society to the courts. With the supreme court declaring that gay sex contravenes the order of our society.  Would commenting on  an ex-judge in the dock for allegedly harassing an intern be a digression at this stage? And there where the fine line between perceived morality and a prosecutable offence emerges. Advances by an older man or a woman of someone much younger is not an offence as long as it is consensual. It of course in our starkly black and white society a morality issue. Like so many other things. We categorise love and give it labels. Good love and bad love. Holy love and unholy love. And now legal love and illegal love. Strangely enough the society that celebrates the adulterous love story of our gods still have khap panchayats ordering men and women to be lashed because their love does not fit in with the rules of a society. But then love is not meant to follow rules. It is supposed to be a reaction that men or women have little control over. That beautiful thing that sets us free and lets us fly. That differentiates us from the machines. and the codified transactions of a mechanical world. Trying to subsume love to the greater good of the society is unnatural. Because when that intense euphoria or that gnawing pain grips me when i see someone, the origins, the background, the color or gender of that person is an afterthought. Whether i should or should not love him or her are questions that i am forced to ask later. For no court, no religious institution can take away from me that sublime moment of falling in love, or dictate that i love as they wish. Who i love is a personal choice. There have been enough wrong done in the name of greater good. Oscar Wilde was imprisoned, Anarkali was buried alive. Several thousand gay couples lead lives of shame and misery for their love is different. For there can be no good love and bad love. Love stories are different. And every one of them is magical. And that is what makes the world such a beautiful place.

The unequation

The simple equation: 10 things that can keep you permanently happy

Remember the time you were really happy. The laughter was genuine, the fun was crazy and life was good. And then you suddenly lost the plot. And the only things called happy in life were those sad meals at McD. Ok its time to reclaim lost ground. You don’t want to grow old sad and then pop out with a constipated expression. So lets build a happiness equation and here is a list of 10 things that will go into it

A large dog – It could be a small dog too. But the large dog can wag its tail better

A spoonful of Chawanprash – You can’t win the happiness game on a blocked nose. So the chawanprash to keep you healthy

Comfy shoes – The world is a rough place when your shoes pinch. Wear good, comfy shoes and the world is yours

A notebook –  Scribble down what’s bothering you. Trouble shared is trouble halved

A tune – There has to be one tune that makes you euphoric. Load that on your ipod. On yourmind. Hum it. All is well

Malai wala dudh – Remember when you could eat anything without worrying about growing fat. Ok bring it back. Allow yourself atleast one indulgence in a day

An open ticket to a faraway place – Get an open dated travel ticket. Keep the possibilities open

A secret place – Remember the chinar tree or that attic where you had your secret hiding as a child. Discover your place again. Where you can be yourself and make faces without anyone giving you weird looks

A good hairdresser – who gives the perfect head malish

Good friends- Whoever said happiness is in your hands said so with a wink and pun intended disclaimer. You are affected by people around you so have good people around. And a heart-break sofa in a friend’s place where you can crash at

 

 

Craziness is a good thing

I was attending a corporate get-together at a university and had an interesting chat with the profs. They gave me a long list of ways in which the students are prepared for the professional world. ‘We don’t let them wear jeans.’ I shifted uncomfortably. I was in jeans with a waist coat-one of my favourite combos. And yes I do not care much for a lot of rules the professor were talking about. Would it be a over-simplification to state that we are ruined by most of these rules. Strange a country that flouts traffic rules and public rules so openly, we are such a big stickler for rules in our private lives. Follow the herd. Be the good guy. Run down craziness. Kill rebellion. If only we showed the same careless streak which we drive, refused to toe a line like we do with queues- we could have had more interesting lives and spared our fellow citizens the horror. But we choose to flip it around. Devote a life time to being normal. You know those perfect families that take emis, go to holidays and bring up kids as normal as them. Its safe. Its respectable. And it gives you decent returns. The sedan and the large flat. The approval of the peers. The likes on facebook. The craziness could have gone either way. So you kill it. Accept status quo. But believe me craziness helps. The little rebellion. The colored streaks. The mid week holiday. The crazy start-up which nobody backed. The girl your parents didn’t approve of. So that at 60 you aren’t looking at a successful, normal life. Where you missed out on life itself. Because you dressed like everyone else and clocked the 9 to 5 routine. Believe me unless you are on the road and theres a traffic light ahead breaking the rules is a good thing to do