Rice Gun – Move over taser. Move over chloroform. This is a more sure-fire, slow killer. If you have to fight a duel with a bong, never accept an invitation of one last meal. He will stuff you and stuff you with rice and then gently behead you when you snore. ( Ok bongs never behead. They just scare you that they will)
Poetry – If the rice has not worked, the bong will try poetry. If you survive, you can make it to Mangalyaan without any further medical tests.
Cha – One advantage that a bong has and you do not have is his infinite pool of energy. Thanks to the gallons of tea he drinks. So if you are fighting with a bong, never grant him a tea – break.
Kaal-Char – Everytime a bong is losing a battle he will unleash Kaalchaar on you. And while you try to understand what will happen at 4 tomorrow, he will prove that you have as much kaalchaar to fill his chayer cup. There you lose. Period.
Muffler – Every kungfu bong’s lethal weapon. Till the time it is around his neck you are safe. A bit like that cobra around Shiv’s neck. No one has seen this but legend has it a bong and his muffler can conquer the world.
Baak-Lash – What he lacks in brawn, he makes up in baak. By the time he is through with his word play, you think boxing is cake walk
Batar juto – The Bong is faithful. He has stuck to the same old Batar juto for 50 years. So the Bata shoe also never deserts him. And don’t underestimate that Batar jutos kick. All Bongs are unsuccessful football players.
Fish Bone – The Punjabis have their kirpans. We have our macher kanta. Try arguing with a vicious bone stuck in your throat. Try. Try.
Bowdi – If the Bong guy cannot win his war with you, he will unleash his wife on you. Yes the Boudi. And no matter what sleazy Wildstone ads have led you to believe, seducing a bong woman is tougher than seducing the yeti. And she does not take kindly to her husband being insaalted. Only she has that right. Take a bow, faithful wife!
His Maa – The last ace in his sleeve. This is when the boudi has been finally seduced and won over. But nothing will turn the mother against her son. She defends him more ferociously than our PM irons his kurtas. You might as well put your tail between your legs and run!